I’m not dating right now. You can argue my logic with me (heaven knows I do), but here’s why: with stuff with my mom, typically being at the breaking point with work, Toastmasters, teaching, choir, friends/family, and a bunch of things I’d like to do but don’t feel like I have time for (including working out beyond walking the dog and other things you could legitimately call critical priorities for someone who’s at serious risk for lifestyle illnesses), the idea of proactively dating right now seems ridiculous to me. If Prince Charming crosses my path and asks me out, I’m not saying I’ll say no, but I’m not registered on an online dating site or actively going out with the intent of meeting someone right now. I know my circus and I know my monkeys, and that’s just not one of them right now.
I was trying to track down a picture of myself, today, for an online profile for a networking site. I haven’t taken a lot of pictures of myself recently— one when I got my hair chopped, a couple with visiting loved ones, but a few months back, my photo stream has a lot of pictures of Grey Area Guy. Just headshots of him smiling or making a funny face— that’s where my more recent headshots are, too.
Yesterday was the last day that the community pool was open. I can’t believe how fast the summer went. I took a dip, swam a few laps, just on principle. I didn’t use the pool as much as I wish I did— maybe a dozen times all summer, which sounds like a lot, but when you consider that each time is about 10, maybe 15 minutes tops, I spent maybe a couple of hours there all summer. I think I need to plan to spend more quality time at the pool, next year. Last year, I remember laying out reading a book at least once. I’m not a lay-outer, because my skin is so fair, but lounging at the pool now and again isn’t a bad summertime goal. To the extent I lounged, I did it in my new hammock, which is just fine by me. I can be almost entirely covered, so not too worried about sunburn, and it’s more private, which I also like.
I’m glad to say that I’m starting to feel sparks with some guys I’m encountering, in the wake of radio silence from Grey Area Guy. I think it’s a good thing. He’s special to me, but we’re not headed in the same direction and as a result, I think it’s best that we both move on. I went to a gathering of old friends a couple of weeks ago and strongly fanned some (I thought) long-dormant flames with a guy some friends wanted to set me up with, back in the day. They warned me that he was easily spooked and very shy, so the flames, such as they were, were mostly me putting myself in a position to share space with him and being non-threatening. Back then, I thought he’d never get past his shyness enough for anything romantic to have a realistic possibility, but several years later, he was confident and sociable— smooth, even. For a time, it was like we navigated the gathering as a couple, and the whole thing felt way more natural than anything before ever did. I have nothing to show for it, don’t get me wrong— I have no way to contact him and no idea when I’d ever see him again, but it was pleasant and unexpected, and I enjoyed it very much.
This Arbonne thing is an example of a thing I do pretty frequently— I have an idea about something and I go ahead and test it, to see if it is what I think it is. A few years ago, I decided I just needed to exercise more, not change my eating. Doing triathlons, I discovered that I was eating enough to offset the exercise and even gaining weight. I had been telling myself that “calories in/calories out” doesn’t work for me. So I tracked my calories and lost weight. I’ve had a few theories (about eating more whole foods, about where my calories were coming from, how hard it would be), and testing them simultaneously means that causality is difficult to determine, but here are some observations:
I’m very conflict-avoidant. Very. I don’t like yelling, I don’t like discord between people. And for weeks now, I’ve been ducking at least two unpleasant conversations. “Sorry! Can’t talk about that— I’ve got an impending crisis to deal with! Sorry! I’m planning a trip and no time for that before the trip!”