Where Can I Complain?

I usually make it a point not to spend a lot of time on NextDoor, the neighborhood network. There’s a lot of outrage for the sake of outrage, and I find that exhausting.

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Boundary Defense

I’ve almost certainly mentioned it before, but one of the big revelations of my grad school era¬† was the idea that when you set a boundary, people are going to test it. I can remember listening to Harriet Lerner’s The Dance of Anger on audio, running errands in the dark, and tears of frustration running down my face. I don’t know why this was so shocking to me— I hadn’t just fallen off the turnip truck— but to someone like me who struggles to set appropriate boundaries in the first place, the idea that the very first thing that would happen is that people would violate the boundary to see if I enforced it? It was shocking and upsetting.

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Things They Don’t Tell You

There are things about living with an aging parent that nobody tells you. For example, last night, I came home and Mom was on the computer. It was late, so I was surprised— she’s normally awake when I get home from the theater, but in her room reading. But this time, she was telling me that she almost signed up for one of those “find your classmates” type things, but it gave her a scary “allow this program” kind of message that I have warned and warned her about. I said I’d try to find something out about her friend for her.

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