Arbonne, Day 2

So the biggest thing I’d say I learned on Day 1 is that the thing they tell you about how you’re not going to be hungry? That thing that every diet everywhere promises you about, even though it’s never true? It was true for me. I’m not hungry after the shake, I wasn’t hungry after the meals. I got bored and had some pistachios and cherries for a snack midafternoon, but I wasn’t hungry at all from the time I had the shake to the time I woke up this morning.

The shake tastes okay, not awesome. Same for the fizzy water. Neither improves the longer it sits.

If I’m not hungry, cravings aren’t as much of a thing for me. My worst craving yesterday was Coke Zero, which I had decreased from at least 36 oz per day to 0, so I knew it would suck. I had the withdrawal headache. Today, it’s much less noticeable.

Even though I talked Mom through the plan, showed her the menu I planned, and left the salad in a clear container in the fridge, Mom didn’t eat anything other than a banana yesterday until dinner, which made me crazy. (You’re going to read further down and look at this as an example of the crabby that I talk about later. But when she is “fainting with hunger” because she doesn’t eat lunch, that becomes an excuse for not following through on the plan because it’s “unworkable” for her. Which is silly, because Monday’s lunch was available for 24 hours prior to lunch on Monday, and the menu telling her what the lunch option was is in a prominent place. Also, she and I were in touch during the day and she could have, you know, asked me. Short of standing over her and feeding her the meals, which seems extreme, I don’t know what more I can do to make this easy for her to go along with.) I reminded her that her lunch would always be made for her and in the fridge, and if she wasn’t sure what was her lunch and what was leftovers, she could check the menu. But she did the shake, probiotic, and fizzy water, and she ate the dinner I prepared. She even complimented me and said it was a delicious meal, which was nice of her. I know she’d rather not eat this way, and I’m only eating this way on her behalf, so I appreciate any acknowledgment of how hard I’m working to make it happen.

She did not put anything away after dinner, but moved things from where we ate to various locations in the dining room and kitchen. I put things away when I got home from choir practice but missed the dump ranch and think I have to dump the container, because I found it on the counter this morning with the plastic lid bowing upward, so those raw eggs and no preservatives are probably a biohazard, at this point.

I was pretty crabby, and people kept mentioning that it’s the diet. I do not think it’s the diet— I was furious on Sunday, and I ate normally on Sunday. There are some hormonal factors in play, for me, but it could be the diet.

Here’s the thing— the stuff I’m upset about feels pretty valid to me. For example, Mom made a remark about a friend of mine. I think her intentions were to console me, because I was sad that the friend and I weren’t close anymore. But the way she went about that was to suggest that the friend was probably doing something outlandish, because Mom likes categories, and this person is in a category she thinks capable of outlandish behavior. But I felt like she made a scandalous accusation without any evidence, and it bothers me that she’s capable of condemning my friend’s behavior on speculation and not seeing that what she’s doing, in making a baseless accusation, is pretty egregious by itself.

Then, I went to church. I was wearing a dress that is knee-length when I stand, and I had my arms covered. I was there 75 minutes before the service started, for choir practice. I sat for a couple of minutes, then we practiced for an hour. Then, I went to the restroom and while I was gone, someone (one of at most 3 people in the church at the time) complained to the choir director that they could see up my dress when I sat down. Except I hadn’t sat down in over an hour. I was not on a stage, and I was mostly behind an organ when I did sit down. I kind of feel like you had to be looking for something to be upset about. This has happened to me before— I’ve had someone come up (this was maybe four years ago) and mention that when I bent over, they saw rather a lot of my leg in a particular skirt, but the incident happened an hour or more earlier, it was an isolated incident where I had to bend over pretty dramatically, and it is not like I was wearing an inappropriately short outfit or sitting in an unladylike way. I feel like this is an attempt to shame me, more than it’s a helpful corrective, and I resent it. I’m not a three-year-old with her skirt above her head— occasionally, when you move around, even modestly, some skin shows, and I was under the impression that adults were capable of averting their eyes for a moment and getting over it, not calling out every public misstep. And, for what it’s worth, if someone pulls you aside to mention something like that, and you know the person is being ridiculous (for example, because you know I’m in the least visible location and we’ve all been standing for an hour, also I’m not dressed inappropriately or in the habit of behaving inappropriately), maybe don’t keep the ridiculous going by passing it on.

Anything else I’ve been crabby about is a similarly well-documented button for me. So if you push my buttons on a day that I give up gluten, is it not possible that the problem is not the gluten, it’s you pushing my buttons? But the crabby aren’t often considered qualified to judge their own crabbiness, so… consider yourselves forewarned. It might make you crabby. Or it might magnetically attract people to you to push your crabby buttons. Who can say?

 

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