Is this a Thing?

One of my problems with the intensity of things with Grey-area Guy this week is that it’s taking up so much of my energy. A few days ago, I texted him first (a new thing— I had a rule not to do that before things shifted earlier this month) to tell him about a win at work. We started texting a little before I left the office. I stopped to get celebratory take-out and we texted off and on then. Later in the night, I was walking the dog and we were texting until my phone shut down from the cold (the dog hates it when I text and walk him, because it makes me slow. I’m already slow because it’s icy, so he totally hates it and I like not to be distracted my whole walk with him— it’s my quiet time and I love it as much as he does), and we texted for an hour before I went to sleep.

Then, last night, he texted me after I was home from my walk and I was watching TV with mom. I didn’t want to be distracted and absent, so I told him I’d text him later. He said okay and was sweet about it, but was a little excited to talk, and I was aware of that, so when the show was over, I quickly fed the fuzzy ones, cleaned the litter box, did a few things in the kitchen and got back to him. We texted for maybe an hour, again.

But I felt like I was up too late talking with him for a second night in a row, and when I came down this morning, I saw a bunch of things that I thought I took care of but didn’t, because I was distracted and trying to hurry. I started the day thinking that I needed to tell him that we’re not dating and we need to dial it back until he’s ready to date. Single girls who aren’t putting their lives on hold don’t behave this way. And I think there’s truth to that. But then I started to wonder if there wasn’t a more positive way to handle it.

We’ve been primarily text all along. I try not to bug him during the day or when his kids are around (and should be his priority) and more or less vice versa. But I’m wondering if this isn’t the time to adjust and be more intentional about things.

Like, we could have a regular time to chat on the phone at 10:15. Chatting on the phone is faster, a richer experience, and 10:15 is a consistent time for both of us. Or we could FaceTime.

The other thing is that we talk about kind of nothing by text, most of the time. TV or sports or movies or old jokes between us, but usually not things that actually help us know each other better. I’m wondering if we could do kind of a game. The Dinner Party Download podcast asks these two questions of their guests— “Tell us what you wish we wouldn’t ask you,” and “Tell me something I don’t know.”  In the case of the DPD podcast, the second one can be personal or general— your favorite color, for example, or that humpback whales don’t really have teeth, per se. I could see doing something like that. You could volunteer something “I had kale salad for lunch today, and it turns out that kale salad is my favorite thing ever.” Or, if you couldn’t think of something to volunteer, the other person could ask you a question they’ve wondered about.

I know that this sounds like the Cruise Director making you play getting-to-know-you games, but I’m a little concerned that, if and when we get to the part of this that has us together, we’ll have short-cut some of this stuff, because we dated for awhile back in the day and kind of think we know each other. And if this is love and the start of an adventure together, I don’t want to skip things like that.I don’t want to skip any of the good stuff.

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