Changing Perspective

The last several weeks have been uncomfortable for me— realizing that I really need to make a change, no seriously— it’s always an emotional thing for me to come to terms with. I’ve cried a lot of tears over it, in the last couple of weeks. But suddenly my tears are dry, and I’m seeing things differently.

I think the vision board exercise really helped. I ran out to do some errands on my lunch hour and stopped by Nordstrom Rack. I never shop there, because it always seems just a little on the snooty side, but I had this thing related to the makeup post from last week that said that I need to start making more of an effort with how I’m coming off, so I forced myself to go in and look around today. And I found some cute things, and I realized that, though I’m not making much of an effort at the moment, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have good style or even a good wardrobe— I actually dress fine. I’m a little long on blingy flip flops at work, but that’s not inappropriate in my company culture. I need to focus on the fitness end so that my clothes are a little more flattering, but the clothes themselves are not a problem. I’m wearing makeup more and making more of an effort with jewelry and my hair, and it’s fine. I was relaxed, I wasn’t starting from zero, and it hasn’t taken much to get up and running in a better direction.

While I was there, I found these starfish earrings. They’re nothing fancy— little gold studs, and a little more expensive than I hoped they’d be, on the clearance rack. I talked myself out of them, and then picked them back up, and talked myself out of them… I ultimately went back and got them, though I don’t strictly need them. Starfish are a bit of a theme for me— they’re taking over my bathroom, and the story about the starfish on the beach and making a difference for one— it’s a bit of a cliche, but it works for me. It’s an image that I can hold onto. (N.B. I’m not starting a collection of them, to anyone who knows me in real life.)

I also found a thin, silver bracelet that says “Explore, dream, discover.” To me, that’s the blessing— I’ve realized that it’s not about the fact that I feel like I’m stuffed in a too-small box and people are jumping on the lid, it’s about proactively discovering the dream of the thing that comes next, and then making it happen. The bracelet is a lovely addition to my ugly fitness tracker and hair tie on that wrist, and it’s a constant reminder that I’m on a journey of discovery. Which is a much better way to frame a thing than “I can’t do it anymore.” I can discover a better way to do this. I can discover a life that is more in keeping with what I ultimately want. I have the grace of stable employment to give me time and space to make this happen.

Advertisements

So what do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s