Was it really only a week ago? I think it must have been, which blows my mind, I had a bad day. Like an “I can’t take it anymore” bad day. And I was talking with my mom about it and she stepped up beautifully and told me to find something that didn’t make me feel like this.
Last night, I was kvetching again (in a much milder way), and she asked “what would you do if you didn’t work there?”
And the truth is that I just don’t know. I hate this question. It’s the “where do you see yourself in five years” question, and it wraps me up in existential knots. I don’t think we have that kind of control over our lives. There are things I could do (editing, writing), but the most I can come up with is that I want something a little more strategic, a little less tactical.
I predicted I’d take the first reasonable ladder up and out— I won’t just leap, I’m not that unhappy and I’m deeply practical. But could there be some value in getting more specific about my intention? Because the truth is that I’ve been feeling like I’ve settled for less because I didn’t know what I was looking for.
So that’s the process I’m going to embark on— a little visioning. I can take a harder look at what I like and what I don’t like, and start moving myself in a direction.While I don’t control the tide, I can move myself and my little boat in a direction, if I know what I’m trying for.
Any thoughts or suggestions on how to do this?