Planning to Fail

So I realized, this week, that the reason I’m late to work all. the. time is (stop the presses here) I’m not getting up early enough.

I’ll wait while you recover from the depths of my self knowledge.

Here is a thing I have long known about myself: It takes me an hour to get ready to leave the house. Here is a thing I have long known about my commute: it takes approximately 20 minutes. Here is what time I’ve been getting in the shower every morning (when I don’t oversleep or dawdle, which is where I thought I was losing my time, all this time): 1 hour before I need to be at my desk.*

Kind of impressive that I’m only 15 minutes late to work, on average.

I’ve been trying to get up a little earlier to do morning pages (a la The Artist’s Way). I failed to get up early enough, Monday, so I wrote them at lunch. I succeeded Tuesday. I got two out of three morning pages this morning. I’ve been impressed at how well I’ve done moving my bedtime up in the last week to compensate for that. But now that I’ve done the math, I’m pretty sure I need to move the time that I go to bed up another hour. Part of me says I should just not take so long to wind down at night. But here’s what I do at night:

  • If dinner dishes aren’t cleaned up, do that.
  • Heat up compress for the dog. (Yes, I’m serious. He’s having trouble with his back that is affecting his back legs so we’re doing extra painkillers, warm compresses, and back massages at night. I need to talk to whoever put this poor guy’s skeleton together about their sadistic tendencies toward the sweetest animal on the planet.)
  • Treats for the cats and dog.
  • Face washing/weirdly elaborate dental hygiene routine/medicine.
  • Practicing Italian.
  • Humidifier maintenance.
  • Rub dog’s back.
  • Litterbox maintenance.
  • Sometimes I do stuff around my room to Fallon or rub the dog’s back to Kimmy Schmidt (though I often find myself asleep on the floor with the dog when the credits play in that scenario).

I think I need to move some of my night-time stuff into earlier in the evening, because the truth is that I don’t count the time before I go to bed or before I get to work. It’s in the “sleep” bucket, so it seems reasonable and healthy that I go up the stairs at 10:45 and come down the stairs at 7:45, but if I’m not asleep until 12:30 and I’m trying to get out of bed by 6:30… it’s just not the same as actually sleeping for all that time. Also, 7:45 is not when I should come down the stairs— I should be commuting by then.

I’ve made real progress in this area— I used to routinely brush my teeth to Seth Meyers, but I haven’t seen his show regularly  in months. Now, the TV is usually off by the second guest on Fallon. But given that I can’t move my morning, I think more progress needs to be made.

*Yes, I know this means it doesn’t actually take me an hour to get out the door in the morning. But at this point, giving me bonus points for morning efficiencies seems counter-productive.


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