The Best Dating Tip Ever

There’s definitely a theme today. But here’s honestly a great tip for how to get someone to fall for you.

Really listen, when they talk.

The first time I fell in love with a boyfriend, it was because he really listened. Not just like “listened so our conversations proceeded smoothly without my having to repeat myself 47 times,” which was beyond my hopes and dreams, at that point, but past that. He listened so well, he could tell me things about myself that I hadn’t told him.

I remember being on an early date with him, in a sushi place, and he said “it sounds like [whatever topic] is something that’s a pretty strong value for you.”

I had never talked about that thing as a personal value, but in getting to know each other, I’d told a handful of stories that touched on facets of that topic, and he’d thought about it and drawn a meaningful conclusion about it. I hadn’t ever framed it as an important value to myself, but I had to admit he was right.

Mind. Blown. (And I’m not being even a tiny bit sarcastic. My jaw dropped.)

I can’t tell you how remarkable that moment was for me. I felt so heard, so understood, so important to him, in that moment. He did it a couple of other times in our relationship, and though I didn’t call it love in that moment or for another several months, it was probably the most singular thing about him. The thing that opened me up so that love became a possibility.

Grey area guy is also pretty good at this trick, which is one of the reasons I find it difficult to walk away. Just when I think we’re just silly and ridiculous and this is me wasting my time, he proves that the connection we have goes deeper than our everyday stuff, and I can’t breathe. With him, it’s different, and I get clearer on that all the time.

But it’s truly something remarkable when it happens, so it’s worth a try if you’re really trying to get a girl’s attention. I suspect that it’s not as much of an effective way to get a guy’s attention, but it might be really compelling, for a particular guy. It doesn’t go well with casual interest, though— it’s a “level-up” kind of move, so keep that in mind.


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