I’m going at things a bit differently, because the way I’ve been going about them hasn’t been working. I’m not sure this way is working any better, but I’m just going to keep trying things until the life I’m leading lines up with the life I tell myself I’m trying to lead.
Typically for Thanksgiving, I stay home, invite people over, cook way too much food. This time, I got out of Dodge and focused on things that made me feel better after a summer/fall of too much stress and pressure. And I felt a little better. And not even a little guilty.
I found myself not having done any writing, at the end of that weekend. I feel like I’ve been lousy with ideas for writing, and yet I never find/make time for it (I’m good about writing here, for the most part, but I want to write about these long-form fiction ideas and I’m just not doing it.) So today, I thought I’d get up early. Until I realized, when the alarm went off, that would have me up before dawn (I don’t really believe in up before dawn, whether I should or not.) But I still wanted to do it, and I didn’t do it at night when I had the time last night or the night before that…
So I took 20 minutes at lunch today and wrote long-hand. I don’t really write long-hand, excepting thank you notes and Christmas cards and morning pages/journal stuff when I’m doing it, but if I touched my computer, I knew I’d be easily distracted. And it was good. I had a hard time stopping after 20 minutes, and I stopped somewhere I think I’ll find it easy to pick up again.
And now I have 20 minutes worth of writing on an idea I’ve been cooking on for 4 months. It’s not very good. It’s not very much. But it’s something. Which is more than I had before.
I’m wondering what else I should change to make my life fit me (the me of right now) better. I typically make a dozen kinds of Christmas cookies and give an assortment of them to my coworkers and friends with whom I don’t specifically exchange gifts, and bring assortments to holiday parties. I work somewhere they’re not necessarily expecting that (I work with some former coworkers who might be expecting it, but I feel like that could be steered around, as it’s been years since I last observed holidays this way with them), but given that I have often found myself living on Wheat Thins and cooking until 2 a.m. to make this happen, it might be time to look at it differently. Or maybe not— it’s one signature thing that meets a number of needs. Plus, I’ve gotten smarter about it over time, and now I make slice & bake varieties and bake only what I need for the party at hand. Where slice & bake isn’t an option, I time certain varieties to coincide with specific events.
Something to ponder…