I’ve been talking a lot about church lately, and for legitimate reasons— I’m in a pretty churchy time, for me. But lest I walk around like my halo is too heavy for my shoulders, I should also admit that I’ve done a thing or two on the “what are you thinking” scale.
Remember Grey Area Guy? Well, things got pretty quiet between us after my travel-heavy spring. I heard from him before a work trip that preceded my Alaska trip and then not again until the day I was moving. We chatted some for a day or two, and then he went quiet.
And my mind hasn’t changed— I don’t want a grey area relationship, and I think it’s better when he and I are not bantering too much, because it makes it hard for me to date other people with an open mind— he and I have a pretty amazing connection, where we like the same things and make each other laugh and the chemistry is fairly effortless, and that’s not always the case in meeting someone new. It’s not really fair for me to compare what I had with him to people who don’t know me as well, especially since, at the end of the day, he and I want different things and have repeatedly decided not to be together.
But he came to mind over the weekend, and then there was a bit of football banter I couldn’t resist starting with him. For the last year or so, I’ve made it a rule that I don’t text him first, because I know I need to stop investing there. But I sent it to him anyway. And I hoped that I wasn’t being stupid in doing so. We bantered a little. The door was open for me to flirt with him— he flirted a little with me, but I didn’t take the bait.
So far, I haven’t gotten burned again, by playing with that fire. But heaven knows I could, if I’m not careful.