I find myself thinking about this a lot right now. It feels like there’s not enough of me to go around. I’m plugging away, working hard at work, working hard at home, but there’s not enough of me to move the dating thing forward. And there’s not enough time for me to move writing forward. And there’s not enough time/energy to move working out forward. And it feels like there’ll be less of me all the time, as I get pulled in more directions.
But I wonder about that. In Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies, I’m an Obliger, so I find it easier to keep my obligations to others than I do to honor commitments to myself. This is why I’m sleep-deprived, and the idea of getting up an hour early to work out and an hour before that to write is almost a physical impossibility. I manage 6 hours of sleep if I’m lucky, most nights, so an hour earlier is not really an option. I could go to bed an hour earlier to get up an hour earlier, but that shift doesn’t actually net me time— it basically means the kitchen doesn’t get cleaned and my teeth don’t get brushed before I go to bed. Not realistic.*
But that is the thing all the things I want to do but am not making progress on have in common— they’re commitments I’ve made to myself, not obviously for the greater good. The truth is, me working out is for the greater good because it protects my health, which makes the rest of it all go. And me dating makes me happier and easier to be around, and could just get me some help, now and again. It’s a whole quality of life thing. And writing— well, the writing was kind of the point of a lot of how I set up my adult life, not that you can see that in my daily schedule.
So I’m wondering if I’m trying too hard to make everything a daily thing. What if I could set aside 30 minutes a couple of nights a week, or a lunch hour twice a week and a couple of hours for writing the things I’m not writing but that I want to. Or what if I start by getting more active on the weekends, both in terms of exercising and in being social in romantically-target-rich environments? What if, in the immortal words of a friend of mine, some is better than none?
* All that said, I recognize that there is downtime in my schedule, I’m just not making it work for me— we all think we’re busier than we are because it’s the age we live in, and we round up on our busy-ness because it equals significance, culturally.