Cue Nervous Breakdown

So I’m buying a place with mom (long story.) And trying to get my place on the market (ex-haust-ing) so it can sell before that happens. And so I’m likely to be a little radio silent, for a bit. But I’ll post as I can.

This is my first experience selling a place, and it’s different. It’s mine in a way that no place has ever been, so I don’t look at things and think “maybe they won’t notice” or “I wonder how much is good enough.” Not that I was a slacker as a renter, but what happens next to my house matters to me. I want it to find someone who’ll love it the way I do, so I’m trying to leave it better than I found it (not actually that hard, because I got it post-foreclosure and pre-auction, but my standards are high).

Lack of sleep and total overwhelm are combining to make me a little stupid and a lot emotional.

I know I’m going to miss lots of things for lots of reasons— I’ll miss living alone, sometimes. I’ll probably miss my privacy and having things the way I want them even more frequently.

But there are things specific to this house that I have loved. My room is my favorite shades of green and blue. The new room is lovely, but it’s all green. At least for now. I have a vibrant accent wall somewhere else in the house, the likes of which will not fly with mom.

In the fall, I’ll miss this year’s crabapple and mint harvests. It makes me sentimental to think about my trees blooming this year and me missing their fruit. (Though I’m not seeing that it’s set fruit yet, and there are years that it doesn’t, so maybe I won’t miss it.) Until I got the pup, I wouldn’t have said I’d miss my neighbors (no offense to them intended), but since the pup has introduced me to them, I’ve grown to consider them friends, and I will miss them.

There are quiet little nooks and crannies— a koi pond filled with lily pads and the occasional waterfowl— pretty extraordinary in Colorado, really. A hill my pup taught himself last week to slide down. Lots of happy memories. One of the big reasons I was on board with this is there’s a yard for the dog, but I suspect that we’ll never be quite as close and attuned to each other as we’ve been when I needed to be with him basically every minute.

Don’t get me wrong. The new place is beautiful and incredible, and if I’m going to make this kind of commitment (living with my mom again, well into my adulthood), it’s the only house that was even suggested to us that I think will work even remotely as well. It has things that I like as well as my current neighborhood and lots of things I’m over the moon for. But it doesn’t have the koi pond with the little bridge, and it doesn’t have the big hill the dog slid down for the first time with a silly grin on his face. And I’ll miss it. If I continue to be too stressed to sleep, the realtor will need to sedate me when she puts the for sale sign up. Keep a good thought for me!

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