So if you’re following the comments in my previous post, you may have seen that grey-area guy picked a fight with me last night when I once again steered him toward platonic conversation. He pushed it, I said “we talked about this, you know where I’m coming from and you said friendship was what we should do, and I’ve been a really good sport about it, all things considered.” And he got angry and defensive and there was a tone of injury and finality to our last exchanges.
And as much as I knew that we weren’t going to end up together—that at a certain point, either he would move on or I would—I can’t help but miss the guy who supported me through one of the hardest things I’ve gone through, who said that he would always have my back. The one I could laugh with and be honest with, and who I was always happy to hear from. I honestly liked and respected him, beyond anything else, and I loved it when we managed to be friends. It’s nice to have someone on your side the way we were able to be on each other’s sides, for awhile.
Maybe I’ll hear from him again and we can repair the damage that was done. Maybe I’ll hear from him again and it will get worse (I’ll have limited tolerance for that— the whole point in walking away from the relationship the way I did was for me not to get resentful and petty that he wouldn’t give me what I need in a relationship. If I had the good grace to manage it when I know I could have had feelings for him, I expect him to show some class with me because he at least implied that he didn’t have those specific feelings back.) Maybe he just needed to close that door for his own reasons, and we’re done, now. It’s a door that was getting harder for me to keep open. But I’m still sorry to see it close with implied finality. I guess, in the end, some things do come off the table.