Please don’t think I’m complaining, when I say this. If I say, at the end of a relationship that I want to stay friends, it’s because I do. But last night, I was getting a lot of attention from my most recent ex and the grey area guy. And I don’t really get it. I kind of get it with grey area guy, because he’s tried this tactic and had some success with it— if he stays in the conversation long enough, he might catch me in a weak moment and I might let things get muddy again. I kind of get what’s in it for him— I don’t think he’s looking for long-term definitive answers from where he is, so friends with potential grey areas kind of suits him fine. But my most recent ex— I told him I wanted to be friends, and he’s not really looking for a female friend—he at least told me, back when we discussed such things, that was what he was dating to find. But there he was, chatting at me for hours last night, trying to figure out how to give me expert advice about the dog’s problems, whatever.
I’m just not used to it. In my experience, once it’s over, you might get a guy curious enough to see if you really mean the friends thing, but once they confirm that no, you’re not going to key their car, they move on. This one is kind of new to me.
Do we think that I can take at face value that either or both of these is a platonic thing? Or is this a “now she’s a challenge”/back burner/weak-moment situation in both cases? Because I’m not sure I have the energy for two weak-moment situations. It took a tremendous amount of energy to get the situations to a black and white place, and I do have weak moments— leaving crutches around for myself is kind of not in my best interest. Also, if I ever have enough energy to put myself out there again, don’t we think I’ll need to resolve these at some point? I’ve operated on the assumption that clear relationships with exes was a desirable thing (though based on what I see in the world, there are men who are more comfortable with drama than I generally assume rational people tolerate.) I don’t really want to be on anyone’s back burner, for reasons of self respect.