Total Meltdown

I’m grateful to say that I’m not someone who has traditionally spent a lot of time out sick. When I was a kid and I got sick enough to stay home, my mom was great— making special food, consoling me— my nieces and nephews could also tell you that she really shines when you’re sick. When I got to college, nobody did anything for you when you were sick. They were afraid you’d get them sick, or they were so busy with their… whatever that they couldn’t be bothered. As a result, I started to only really get sick enough to stay home on my breaks. Continue reading

Uncertainty

I don’t think of myself as a wildly impatient person. At least, not anymore. I feel like I’ve made a lot of strides in this area since I was a small child. And even as a small child, my mom was not one to be rushed, so I learned to bide my time. Whining and cajoling never really worked on her, but occasionally, you’d get what you wanted through good behavior and not bugging her. So that’s what I do.

Except when situations are out of my hands.

I submit an application for my pup, and the waiting drives me to binge-shop.

I extend an invitation, and I’m anxious until the first replies come in.

I wait to hear the results of a process, and I’m a fingernail chewing mass of nervous tics.

One would think that this would be a simple matter of distraction— focus on something else. But how do you focus on something else when you’re in limbo in any area of your life? No matter how busy I am, I am never short of time to perseverate on the ball once it’s out of my court.

Any constructive suggestions?

You Know You’ve Overscheduled Yourself When…

  • You start looking around your house thinking “what I wouldn’t give for a few minutes just to vacuum/load & unload the dishwasher/dust.”
  • You think you could do what Santa does if only he’d loan you those elves.
  • The gift of a block of unscheduled time creates a crisis of its own. Do I clean? Shop? Bake? Rest? Play?
  • You start having strong, emotional reactions to people who are not as overscheduled as you are. I remember starting to flat-out hate a coworker for taking a vacation, several years ago. It was a sign that I needed one, as well. Putting myself in time-out for a random day off restored office harmony.
  • You fall asleep any time you’re doing fewer than three things at once.

Welcome to the Neighborhood!

Hi, my name is M., and I’m an introvert.

I’m not painfully introverted, and I’m less introverted than I’ve been, but on a spectrum, I’m on the introverted side of the middle, and I suspect that will always be true for me. In my case, that mostly means I can’t really hear myself think around other people, and that sustained periods of not being able to hear myself think leave me frustrated to tears. Continue reading

Overcoming the Clouds is Different for Everyone

I was just talking about this with a friend. I think this is said better than I could say it. Do whatever helps you, whether it’s what works for someone else or not. And keep reaching out.

Nonsense & Shenanigans

I feel the need to put two things out into the world right now:

1. There are different types of depression.

2. It’s not always that easy.

There have been a lot of posts lately about clouds. Most of us use clouds to symbolize depression, or the onset of depression, or a depressed period, or, you get the point. With winter coming / here, many of us with depression, bipolar, seasonal affective disorder, etc. have been struggling.

And in response to these clouds posts, there have been a lot of posts trying to help us find the light. And I thank you for what you’re doing, and I appreciate your advice and your words and your encouragement, but it’s not always that easy, and there are different types of depression.

I feel the need to remind everyone that no two people are the same. We all handle things differently. So…

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Emotional Contagion

I’m running like a crazy woman, which isn’t at all unusual for me for December. Tuesday, I had dinner with an old friend I hadn’t seen in awhile, and yesterday, I taught the class that I teach, and tonight, I’m meeting a friend for happy hour and a lecture and it’s just like that for the next few days. And I don’t enjoy being this busy and overextended, but the friends I’ve seen this week are people I seldom get the chance to connect with, and the class is a commitment about which I feel strongly. Continue reading

Slumber Party

The pup and I have received our first overnight invitation. We’re visiting family, and I was excited to bring him when it was a day trip. The folks I’m visiting have two dogs bigger than he is but still pretty young, and a good-sized back yard, and I know he’ll have fun. It’s not unusual for me to spend the night when I visit family— nobody lives less than 90 minutes away, so visits aren’t that frequent, and we try to get quality time together— but now I’m nervous. The pup is a good dog and pretty well-behaved, but keep a good thought for us, that we don’t have to leave in disgrace, never to have a non-boarding the dog visit, again!