Apparently, It’s Second-Guess-Yourself Tuesday

While I’m exploring my feelings, let’s talk about this:

A few weeks ago, in response to my excited chatter about getting a dog, a friend said “I totally know what I’m going to get you for your birthday and Christmas! You’re never going to think of it, so I don’t have to worry that you’ll buy it by accident or get it from someone else, and you’ll totally love it!” I felt a little sick in the moment, the way only an English major does when foreshadowing happens in real life.

So far, at that point, I’d bought a leash and a collapsible dog bowl, for this dog I had not yet met (virtually or otherwise).

So I found the dog I think is going to come home with me a few days ago, while online, and I submitted my application, and I bought a bunch of stuff I found on sale while I waited to hear back. (I’m approved, so if the meeting this weekend goes well, he’s mine! Yay!) And one of the items turned out to be the thing that I was never going think of. Which we discovered yesterday, when she found my post about it on social media. She said “Don’t buy that yet— it’s the thing I was giving you for your birthday/Christmas.”

Except that I had bought it two days earlier and it had already shipped. I knew she’d be disappointed, so I told her as gently as I knew how. I said “If you’ve already bought yours” (my birthday isn’t for two months, so she might not have) “I’ll happily return it. But I also know that these can be expensive, and I paid half of the normal retail price.” So I kind of hated to return my inexpensive one so that she could spend more money on it, because I won’t enjoy it more if I know it stressed her out financially. Which it is likely to— she told me that when she predicted that she’d buy me something I’d never think to buy myself. I told her the reason I thought of it was that I had seen the one she has, and that she totally gets credit for giving me the idea, even though I beat her to the punch.

But now she’s irked with me, which means she throws in snarky comments to every conversation, and I get to enjoy that until she’s past it. Should I have just returned the one I bought? I’m feeling like nothing is as straightforward these days as it should be.

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4 thoughts on “Apparently, It’s Second-Guess-Yourself Tuesday

  1. Honestly, I don’t know what you should have done. It almost seems like a lose lose situation to me. Like you, I wouldn’t want the friend to spend a lot of money that she didn’t need to spend. I really do think you did the right thing and I guess I don’t see why she’s so upset. Maybe I’m missing something.

    Good luck with your dog visit this weekend! How completely exciting! 🙂

  2. She’s someone who puts a lot of energy into giving the perfect gift, so I think she’s disappointed in the way that you are when you think you’ve gotten someone the perfect gift and it doesn’t work out. Maybe I shouldn’t think this way, but I suspect that my gift this year, if I get one, will be aggressively and purposely ill-suited to me.

    If you’ve read one of the books about love languages, receiving gifts falls pretty low for me. I love presents and I love opening them, because I haven’t really stopped being a child in that way, but it doesn’t make me feel more or less connected with you, especially if it isn’t something that you invested yourself in. My brother and SIL plan an outing for the three of us, because that’s what makes me feel loved.

    I love to give the perfect gift, and I have people in my life that do have gift giving as a love language, so I make a big deal of finding something personal, where I can. I get her disappointment, I just don’t appreciate the punishing.

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